The truth is I've lost my motivation. I was at a 150% momentum up until two Friday nights ago, and then suddenly I received that phone call. As I slowed the car down to a stop on the emergency lane of a 100km/h highway, I listened as he told me that he'd tried, but that's the best he could offer for now. Asked me to trust him, he'd try again in a few months.
A bubble burst that night, and I went through some of the five stages of grief since then. I'd foolishly thought the future of my career was secure, that I was destined to rise and rise within this role, that I had nothing to worry about since I kept hearing about how valuable I was to the team, and how I was one of the two "golden boys."
After the anger abated, the calm returned, and with it, clarity. I was able to see now how blinkered I was then, how I utterly engrossed myself in the projects, toiling away on weekends and late nights -- without a care or concern even as the end of my contract period loomed. I had pushed away thoughts of any other jobs, deleted incoming job site newsletters, focused on the tasks at hand, believing that this was for the long term, that I was set for the next few years.
When sudden undesirable change is forced on us, the first reaction is always shock, and then anger, sometimes depression. I became a wounded lion, I felt angry and betrayed, unable to comprehend the logic of what had just happened.
With calm and clarity, it dawned on me that this could be the best thing that's happened to me this year. With every change -- forced or otherwise, comes opportunity -- in this case, the opportunity to further realize my potential, and see beyond my immediate horizons.
There are better jobs out there, with better prospects, permanent jobs, with better salaries. There's a better life out there. And had I not been pushed, I would still be staring ignorantly into the tunnel that I was so adamantly lunging headlong into.
I started to see the bright side of things: I still have a job I like, there's enough time left in my contract to work out something for the thereafter, and this has been a crucial wake-up call, a necessary kick in the ass.
It's still unclear what will come out of this. But one thing's clear -- I shall not be fooled again.