When the day started for me this morning, I wasn't really looking forward to my Friday. It was to be another day of dreary SPUR training session.
Surprisingly, it ended early. And then I went for my swim. Then, the endorphines kicked in, and the Friday was recouped, hurray! During the swim, and the walk back from the pool, I finally figured it out: the difference is "human rights"!!!
It's a hidden difference, more abstract than obvious infrastructure-like things like: swimming pools, quality of newspapers, libraries, food centres, cinemas, prices of food -- all of which, incidentally, I think are better in Singapore than Melbourne. The more subtle differences are in the attitude and culture of the people towards each other, towards the place and priority of life and work, and personal freedoms.
Melbourne and Munich have governments which are truly of the people and for the people, and yes, sometimes the policies do skew in favour of the individual comfort and quality of life and away from the greater good for the country, but then again, what is life anyway? Is the pursuit of academic and economic goals at the expense of personal freedoms worth it?
I can't quite yet elucidate such thoughts in plain words, but I think I've managed now to grasp the concept. It is a clear and present distinction, and the source of all my re-entry woes.
Perhaps, after all, there is no better way to express it than simply "human rights" and "quality of life".
And so, with that dawning, the direction ahead is now clear and set.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Road Ahead
In the middle of a busy day in the middle of a busy week, I'm thinking about Melbourne. Fernweh, the Germans call it -- the opposite of heimweh, homesickness.
My Singapore of today is not as terrifying or half as lonely as my Singapore of early last year. I'm much more at peace here now, but I'm not at home. I've moved now to the East, but I'm still renting a small room in somebody else's home, and limited to the small room, much smaller than my tiny 37sq metre-studio apartment at Klenzestr 39 back in Munich. But at least it was mine, the door bore a shiny metal sign with my name on it, and I could come and go as I please.
My small space in this world is still borrowed, rented, and temporary, and while I'm beginning to find pockets of this small island that I've adopted to become my regular place, it still doesn't feel right. It's all only in passing even if the repetitive routines seem to drag forever. And what a relief that is, that I know I won't live all my life here, grow old here.
It's not a bad place, by most measures. There are things that are useful here. Useful, for lack of a better word. Pleasant, it is not, friendly it seldom is, but efficient, functional, useful, a resounding yes. The libraries are well stocked with new books, and conveniently useful. Entry to the swimming pools are cheap and relatively clean. Crime rate is low here.
But behind all this facade of seemingly good things, there is a snarling tension that one won't detect if he just focuses on bread-and-butter day-to-day just-living-and-getting-by issues. To me, a shallow existence, just rushing through life living out the social scripts that we've been handed down from generation to generation through what we call culture or tradition. So in this Confucian culture, life is about getting a good education, having a good preferably management career, materialism, having kids that are better than your peers', going for lots of holidays. And then we retire and die, have a funeral at the void deck of HDB flats. It's enough to make my skin crawl.
Life has got to be more than this. Hence, the fernweh, the idea that there is something bigger and better out there, and yes, I can have that something. I can choose my future, even choose the city to make my home.
Munich is firmly a past tense now, even though I like to wistfully daydream that it may appear once again in my future. But Munich has changed me forever, in ways that I never imagined. I know now there's something else out there, and I also know that I can be part of that something better. In the middle of a busy life, it's good to be able to step back, look at the road ahead, and realise that I can choose which path to walk.
My Singapore of today is not as terrifying or half as lonely as my Singapore of early last year. I'm much more at peace here now, but I'm not at home. I've moved now to the East, but I'm still renting a small room in somebody else's home, and limited to the small room, much smaller than my tiny 37sq metre-studio apartment at Klenzestr 39 back in Munich. But at least it was mine, the door bore a shiny metal sign with my name on it, and I could come and go as I please.
My small space in this world is still borrowed, rented, and temporary, and while I'm beginning to find pockets of this small island that I've adopted to become my regular place, it still doesn't feel right. It's all only in passing even if the repetitive routines seem to drag forever. And what a relief that is, that I know I won't live all my life here, grow old here.
It's not a bad place, by most measures. There are things that are useful here. Useful, for lack of a better word. Pleasant, it is not, friendly it seldom is, but efficient, functional, useful, a resounding yes. The libraries are well stocked with new books, and conveniently useful. Entry to the swimming pools are cheap and relatively clean. Crime rate is low here.
But behind all this facade of seemingly good things, there is a snarling tension that one won't detect if he just focuses on bread-and-butter day-to-day just-living-and-getting-by issues. To me, a shallow existence, just rushing through life living out the social scripts that we've been handed down from generation to generation through what we call culture or tradition. So in this Confucian culture, life is about getting a good education, having a good preferably management career, materialism, having kids that are better than your peers', going for lots of holidays. And then we retire and die, have a funeral at the void deck of HDB flats. It's enough to make my skin crawl.
Life has got to be more than this. Hence, the fernweh, the idea that there is something bigger and better out there, and yes, I can have that something. I can choose my future, even choose the city to make my home.
Munich is firmly a past tense now, even though I like to wistfully daydream that it may appear once again in my future. But Munich has changed me forever, in ways that I never imagined. I know now there's something else out there, and I also know that I can be part of that something better. In the middle of a busy life, it's good to be able to step back, look at the road ahead, and realise that I can choose which path to walk.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Yet Another Friday Sunset
Feb already, end of yet another week. Can see the narrow daylights lighting up the blinds along the office windows. It's 5:31pm, and I've about an hour of work more to clear before shutting down the laptop. Busy day today, busy week this past week, fire-fighting, emotional low, then a turnaround after a session with a manager, and in the midst of it all, managed to somehow feel oddly reflective.
It's great to feel productive, and I know I'm getting quite good at what I do -- even if I need to work faster, but that'll come. But I'm not in the right direction. That's gotta change too.
It's not the best time now to hop somewhere else, so things will have to stay like this for a bit -- job-wise. Otherwise, I'm moving to Tampines already, a new life, a very different life from the one I left behind.
The Post-Munich me has become rather different from a Pre-Munich me. And yet there's still much more to come. A trip to Melbourne is planned in March, and then who knows what else is about to happen. The future has become an exciting unknown. And that's not too bad on a Friday afternoon, round about sunset.
It's great to feel productive, and I know I'm getting quite good at what I do -- even if I need to work faster, but that'll come. But I'm not in the right direction. That's gotta change too.
It's not the best time now to hop somewhere else, so things will have to stay like this for a bit -- job-wise. Otherwise, I'm moving to Tampines already, a new life, a very different life from the one I left behind.
The Post-Munich me has become rather different from a Pre-Munich me. And yet there's still much more to come. A trip to Melbourne is planned in March, and then who knows what else is about to happen. The future has become an exciting unknown. And that's not too bad on a Friday afternoon, round about sunset.
Monday, October 13, 2008
A Walk to Remember
A Walk to Remember, Isar River, Munich, November 2007Today, Amy asked me why I missed Europe. She'd seen photos of my weekends island getaway, and loved the photos:
Amy: I don't understand why you are always missing Europe
you see Malaysia is a wonderful paradise on earth
So many people like there
Why8: i've also very nice photos from Munich, you just have not seen them yet
Europe is very romantic, and that fits my soul
And so, I sent her a link to the photos I took while walking along the Isar one cool autumn day, almost two years ago.
After a few minutes, she was back:
Amy: Now I believe how romatic you are
Isar river
Why8: A Walk to Remember.
Somewhere out there, Amy, there's Someone who will share it with me Someday
Somewhere, Someone, Someday.
Amy: I've seen the river as well, it was a normal river in my eyes
but why it is so beautiful on your picturessssss
Why8: Munich is really romantic, the stories of the past lovers and knights and kings and dukes -- they haunt the city with their stories, and make every brick and every pebbled street come alive with the memory of a long-lost race of people whose passion shaped their world of their time
Amy: what a shame on me
Why I never cares these?
Why8: you?
it's all right there, you just need someone to open your eyes to their world
And then anyone -- man or woman, boy or girl, young or old, would fall in love all over again
Amy: reallyyyy? I will try this Dec
Why8: Dec can be the most romantic month of all in Europe
when it's warm outside, and you're walking with someone who will keep you warm
and you walk around the Christmas markets
and the wafts of freshly baked nuts fill the air
with the sounds of merry Christmas everywhere
Love, Amy, is certainly there
Amy: now I am totally mind absent for working
I want to be there right now
Why8: Live like there's no tomorrow, love like there's no yesterday
Work passionately, play uninhibitedly, and love unreservedly
There's a time for everything, and the time for December will come
For now, work passionately
December will still be there
And when it comes, you want to be ready to embrace it unreservedly
Why8: Don't forget, ok
Amy: I will never forget
Why8: Never is a very very long time
It is enough that you don't forget when December comes
And live the moment when it comes
Amy: okay, I will try to go to Munich and experience what you described
Isar river
Why8: A Walk to Remember.
Somewhere out there, Amy, there's Someone who will share it with me Someday
Somewhere, Someone, Someday.
Amy: I've seen the river as well, it was a normal river in my eyes
but why it is so beautiful on your picturessssss
Why8: Munich is really romantic, the stories of the past lovers and knights and kings and dukes -- they haunt the city with their stories, and make every brick and every pebbled street come alive with the memory of a long-lost race of people whose passion shaped their world of their time
Amy: what a shame on me
Why I never cares these?
Why8: you?
it's all right there, you just need someone to open your eyes to their world
And then anyone -- man or woman, boy or girl, young or old, would fall in love all over again
Amy: reallyyyy? I will try this Dec
Why8: Dec can be the most romantic month of all in Europe
when it's warm outside, and you're walking with someone who will keep you warm
and you walk around the Christmas markets
and the wafts of freshly baked nuts fill the air
with the sounds of merry Christmas everywhere
Love, Amy, is certainly there
Amy: now I am totally mind absent for working
I want to be there right now
Why8: Live like there's no tomorrow, love like there's no yesterday
Work passionately, play uninhibitedly, and love unreservedly
There's a time for everything, and the time for December will come
For now, work passionately
December will still be there
And when it comes, you want to be ready to embrace it unreservedly
Why8: Don't forget, ok
Amy: I will never forget
Why8: Never is a very very long time
It is enough that you don't forget when December comes
And live the moment when it comes
Amy: okay, I will try to go to Munich and experience what you described
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Life is too short, time is too precious
Wrote last week to a friend who just returned from several years of living in Munich. Just like me at the beginning, she has been having difficulty adapting to Singapore again:
...something I read about Hillary Clinton's first speech to her supporters immediately after she lost the Democratic Party's nomination to be the Presidential candidate. Her courageous words encouraged me so much. She of course meant something else altogether, and the context was completely different, but for me, it was like very personally and intimately relevant to my situation:
Clinton encouraged her fans to move on. "I want to say to my supporters: When you hear people saying or think to yourself, 'If only,' or, 'What if,' I say, please, don't go there. Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward," she said, her voice echoing throughout the cavernous room, just blocks from the White House. "Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been."
The complete article is here: http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1812634,00.html
Life is too short. Time is too precious. And the stakes are way too high.
I now believe that life still has many wonderful surprises for us, hiding behind corners, waiting to spring up us and catch us unawares. I don't believe any longer that the end of Munich is the end of my life, but rather just the beginning of the next phase. And Munich is always still a possibility in the unknown future. But that's how life is, isn't. Full of wonderful possibilities that we can't yet see today.
All we have to do is to keep our eyes open for the next wonderful surprise, and usually God won't shortchange us, usually His surprises are more and more wonderful with time.
And so, as I've said many times, let's be brave, have faith, and SOAR…
Goodbyes are only precursors to Hellos to a New and Exciting New Chapter of our Life. Out of with the old, goodbye yesterday, and let's welcome with open arms, and embrace the Brave New Future...
...something I read about Hillary Clinton's first speech to her supporters immediately after she lost the Democratic Party's nomination to be the Presidential candidate. Her courageous words encouraged me so much. She of course meant something else altogether, and the context was completely different, but for me, it was like very personally and intimately relevant to my situation:
Clinton encouraged her fans to move on. "I want to say to my supporters: When you hear people saying or think to yourself, 'If only,' or, 'What if,' I say, please, don't go there. Every moment wasted looking back keeps us from moving forward," she said, her voice echoing throughout the cavernous room, just blocks from the White House. "Life is too short, time is too precious, and the stakes are too high to dwell on what might have been."
The complete article is here: http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1812634,00.html
Life is too short. Time is too precious. And the stakes are way too high.
I now believe that life still has many wonderful surprises for us, hiding behind corners, waiting to spring up us and catch us unawares. I don't believe any longer that the end of Munich is the end of my life, but rather just the beginning of the next phase. And Munich is always still a possibility in the unknown future. But that's how life is, isn't. Full of wonderful possibilities that we can't yet see today.
All we have to do is to keep our eyes open for the next wonderful surprise, and usually God won't shortchange us, usually His surprises are more and more wonderful with time.
And so, as I've said many times, let's be brave, have faith, and SOAR…
Goodbyes are only precursors to Hellos to a New and Exciting New Chapter of our Life. Out of with the old, goodbye yesterday, and let's welcome with open arms, and embrace the Brave New Future...
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Sunset over Singapore
Sunset over Singapore, Singapore, September 2008It's been a while since I watched the sun set over Singapore. It's been a while since I had a moment of silence to myself, stand with squinted eyes, face towards the warm sunshine, body bent over the balcony, carton of soya bean in my right hand, left hand clutching the smooth round stainless-steel railing. Just watching. It's been a while.
Most days, when the sun sets over Singapore, I'd be indoors. On weekdays, I'd most often be sitting at my desk at work, bent over my office phone listening intently in on the ongoing teleconference with German colleagues, or replying e-mails. On weekends, I could be in an air-conditioned shopping mall in Orchard Road or City Hall area.
Most days, the sun sets and I never noticed it. It's as if the day ended suddenly, and just as suddenly the night just began, without any kind of indication, any sort of significance. Most days the golden sunlight, the dying gasp of a day that's about to end passes me by, and there's no time for ceremony, or for reflection on the events of the day. Just thoughtlessly going through day by day, doing what seemed most urgent, reacting quickly and reacting efficiently, pragmatically.
Just like that six months has passed since I started work again in Singapore. And in that time frame, I've gone through the first two months of deep dark depression, of manically searching for a way back to Munich. Then a job scope switch in April, a business trip back to Munich in mid-June, where I watched Germany's win over Portugal in the quarter-finals of the Euro 2008 at the Michaeligarten beer garden.
Back in Singapore, continued to follow the Euro 2008 till the Finals the the Paulaner Bräuhaus. Then, the weekend trip to Tioman with the Germans in mid-July. And thereafter, it was like getting my mojo back.
More friends, more fun at work, late but fulfilling nights at work, weekly pilgrimages to Wala-Wala's for soothing live music, weekly Stammtisch sessions with the German friends.
And now, just as suddenly as the day that suddenly turns into night, it's six months later already. 2008 is already way past new, and we're thinking about year-end plans already, and booking air tickets for Chinese New Year 2009.
It's been a while since I've written a proper post since I returned from Munich. Till today, I get questions on why I returned (I'll send you the link to my FAQ, I joked), and whether I loved it in Munich, whether I plan to go back there someday.
I don't know, really. Most days, all I have is today, and that's been enough lately. My todays has been really good, of late. My career is booming, I'm enjoying close friendships both at work and outside of work, there are interesting parties, interesting experiences ahead, new exciting plans for the future. A lot of hope, if nothing else.
And sometimes, that's all I have. And that's enough, at least for now. :)
Most days, when the sun sets over Singapore, I'd be indoors. On weekdays, I'd most often be sitting at my desk at work, bent over my office phone listening intently in on the ongoing teleconference with German colleagues, or replying e-mails. On weekends, I could be in an air-conditioned shopping mall in Orchard Road or City Hall area.
Most days, the sun sets and I never noticed it. It's as if the day ended suddenly, and just as suddenly the night just began, without any kind of indication, any sort of significance. Most days the golden sunlight, the dying gasp of a day that's about to end passes me by, and there's no time for ceremony, or for reflection on the events of the day. Just thoughtlessly going through day by day, doing what seemed most urgent, reacting quickly and reacting efficiently, pragmatically.
Just like that six months has passed since I started work again in Singapore. And in that time frame, I've gone through the first two months of deep dark depression, of manically searching for a way back to Munich. Then a job scope switch in April, a business trip back to Munich in mid-June, where I watched Germany's win over Portugal in the quarter-finals of the Euro 2008 at the Michaeligarten beer garden.
Back in Singapore, continued to follow the Euro 2008 till the Finals the the Paulaner Bräuhaus. Then, the weekend trip to Tioman with the Germans in mid-July. And thereafter, it was like getting my mojo back.
More friends, more fun at work, late but fulfilling nights at work, weekly pilgrimages to Wala-Wala's for soothing live music, weekly Stammtisch sessions with the German friends.
And now, just as suddenly as the day that suddenly turns into night, it's six months later already. 2008 is already way past new, and we're thinking about year-end plans already, and booking air tickets for Chinese New Year 2009.
It's been a while since I've written a proper post since I returned from Munich. Till today, I get questions on why I returned (I'll send you the link to my FAQ, I joked), and whether I loved it in Munich, whether I plan to go back there someday.
I don't know, really. Most days, all I have is today, and that's been enough lately. My todays has been really good, of late. My career is booming, I'm enjoying close friendships both at work and outside of work, there are interesting parties, interesting experiences ahead, new exciting plans for the future. A lot of hope, if nothing else.
And sometimes, that's all I have. And that's enough, at least for now. :)
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Goodbye, My Friend
I sat at my desk, stunned. I didn't understand. I read it again. And again.
And then, I switched on Internet Explorer, went to Google.com and googled his name.
And there it was, on her blog, the words that confirmed what I just read. She wrote in her blog:
"In loving memory of Koh Tshui Khim - Love of my life.
Passed away 25 June 2008. Engaged to marriage in 3 months."
Goodbye, my friend.
******
From: 'KOH Tshui Khim'
Sent: Sunday, August 17, 2008 5:05 PM
To: 'Adrian'
Subject: RE: Hey old friend, how are you?
Hi Adrain,
He has passed away in June, in a car accident.
I am his fiancee.
Take care.
Regards,
Emily
_____________________________________________
From: 'Adrian'
Sent: Saturday, August 16, 2008 9:51 AM
To: 'kohtshuikhim'
Subject: RE: Hey old friend, how are you?
Where are you working now?
_____________________________________________
From: 'Adrian'
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2008 9:17 AM
To: 'kohtshuikhim'
Subject: Hey old friend, how are you?
And then, I switched on Internet Explorer, went to Google.com and googled his name.
And there it was, on her blog, the words that confirmed what I just read. She wrote in her blog:
"In loving memory of Koh Tshui Khim - Love of my life.
Passed away 25 June 2008. Engaged to marriage in 3 months."
Goodbye, my friend.
******
From: 'KOH Tshui Khim'
Sent: Sunday, August 17, 2008 5:05 PM
To: 'Adrian'
Subject: RE: Hey old friend, how are you?
Hi Adrain,
He has passed away in June, in a car accident.
I am his fiancee.
Take care.
Regards,
Emily
_____________________________________________
From: 'Adrian'
Sent: Saturday, August 16, 2008 9:51 AM
To: 'kohtshuikhim'
Subject: RE: Hey old friend, how are you?
Where are you working now?
_____________________________________________
From: 'Adrian'
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2008 9:17 AM
To: 'kohtshuikhim'
Subject: Hey old friend, how are you?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Learning about Regrets
Have been learning a lot about regrets lately. After dramatic days covered under a veil of impenetrable gloom, there's always time to laugh at myself.
An old Peanuts strip I saved from back in 2007 mirrors my recent state somewhat. Strips like this are so endearingly funny, yet tragically real-life.
Mirrors like this are also reminders of how silly we can get sometimes. I'm not sure I've stopped regretting yet, but now and then, it's nice to just step back a bit, and just laugh out loud:
An old Peanuts strip I saved from back in 2007 mirrors my recent state somewhat. Strips like this are so endearingly funny, yet tragically real-life.
Mirrors like this are also reminders of how silly we can get sometimes. I'm not sure I've stopped regretting yet, but now and then, it's nice to just step back a bit, and just laugh out loud:
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